Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Frank King, TED Talk extraordinaire. Thank you so much for joining me today, my man. Really appreciate it.
[00:00:08] Speaker B: My pleasure. And I see you looking at my big band aid, and you're so polite not to ask, like, frank, what in the hell?
Why are you look at a little black eye?
[00:00:17] Speaker A: Yeah. What happened, my man?
[00:00:19] Speaker B: Here's. Well, the joke I tell when I have incidents like this is, you know that question that a woman asks you, do these pants make me look fat? I'm not sure what the right answer is. I have a solid idea what the wrong answer is.
[00:00:34] Speaker A: Oh, that's hilarious, man. No, honestly, go ahead.
[00:00:38] Speaker B: I tripped over the dog. I was getting up for my nap. I forgot the dog was napping with me. The room is dark, so I just walked right up to him and tripped and hit the corner of the wall.
And. 20 stitches. 4 on the inside, 16 on the outside.
[00:00:52] Speaker A: Oh, my God. You really did some real. It's not. That's not just a black eye. That's some real damage.
[00:00:57] Speaker B: It's. Yeah. And I'm on blood thinners, so they're worried that there'd be a subdural hematoma, you know, because it.
You don't always know right away. As the doctor said, you know, you feel good till you don't. Let's do a CAT scan.
[00:01:10] Speaker A: 100.
[00:01:11] Speaker B: Well, I got a cat. Let's do it.
[00:01:14] Speaker A: You got a cat. Awesome. Well, Frank, I. I appreciate you making time for us regardless of the situation.
I wasn't going to bring up the bandage, but I'm glad that. That you did. And we will put that to the side, my man. Well, look, Frank, I'm going to be honest with you. I have been doing some research on you. Originally, I reached out to you because of your public speaking credentials and expertise. And I think that there's a lot of growth, mindset, and benefits to overcoming those type of scenarios. But the more I peeled back the. The layers of the onion, the more I realized you have a. A very rich story to tell. And I want to get into all of that, my man. So I'm really excited about this conversation. But I do want to start with the original reason why I reached out to you.
Look, I. I understand that you've been on 12 different TED talks.
[00:02:06] Speaker B: 13.
[00:02:07] Speaker A: 13. Okay. Well, you got to update your LinkedIn.
13 TED talks? That's crazy.
[00:02:13] Speaker B: Yeah. Actually invited to 15.
Two of them I couldn't do because I had paid gigs. I couldn't. They overlap, so. But yeah, 13. And I just booked number 14.
[00:02:23] Speaker A: Wow. Okay. I have so many questions about this. So my first question is, is, are you, are you doing the same conversation over and over again? Are you talking about the same topic each time or are you changing things up kind of?
[00:02:37] Speaker B: Well, the, the origin story never changes. I open up with my origin story, but each one, we talk about one different aspect of mental health. Mental illness, suicide prevention.
One was mental with benefits. The evolutionary advantages of mental illness.
[00:02:55] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:02:55] Speaker B: One was suicide the secret of my success. Dead man Talking.
One was my personal favorite. And I didn't have to audition. They liked the title so much was Mental health and the orgasm. Treat your depression single handedly.
[00:03:11] Speaker A: Okay, hold on, we got to dive into that one. What was that one about? You gotta, you gotta explain that one a little bit.
[00:03:16] Speaker B: Well, I wondered if orgasm, you know, having an orgasm, you know, whether you're with someone or not.
You know, I'm a member of the Mile High Club. I was in there by myself. So I got an individual membership.
Yeah.
But yeah, so that was the idea. So I looked it up and sure enough, there's all sorts of. It lowers cortisol, it raises dhea, you know, it's like a full body massage, lymphatic kind of a thing.
So there are, you know, benefits to that sort of thing. And I did some research on. It's one of those things that people don't talk about. Yeah, 94 of men do it in the survey. 94 said they did it, 75 of women. And I said to the audience, the rest of them are just lying.
So.
And a man who self pleasures or has an orgasm more than 21 times a month. 21 times a month has a 20% lower rate of prostate cancer. So I said to the audience, you know, if 21 is a threshold, right this minute, I'm immortal.
[00:04:19] Speaker A: All right, Frank, I knew you were a comedian, but that's hilarious, man. That's awesome.
[00:04:23] Speaker B: Well, and I got only standing ovation. I've gotten. And I got it on a joke my wife said not to do. I go, no, it's going to kill at the end. I said to the audience, you guys know why they call an orgasm an orgasm? They're looking at me like, no. I said, because nobody gets spelled standing.
[00:04:42] Speaker A: Oh my God. So I, I lived in France for a little while and I learned a little bit of French.
And they, they use I can't. I think the phrase is petite, which means little death. So when you have an orgasm, you have a little death inside you. So I think that that's, it's a, it's kind of fun and beautiful and also odd. But in either case, that's hilarious, man. We'll say. So 13 TED talks. Now, my question for you is, it looks like you have a business where you help people get onto the TED Talks. Are you.
Are you just facilitating this, or are you also coaching people to become better public speakers?
Both.
[00:05:21] Speaker B: Yeah. What we do is landing and leveraging a TED Talk. So first we have to narrow it down because TED is one idea worth spreading.
[00:05:29] Speaker A: Right.
[00:05:30] Speaker B: A lot of people have a bunch of ideas they're passionate about.
We figure out one. Because the one thing that kills most TEDx applications is too much too many ideas or too much about one idea.
So we figure out what that idea is, and then we start pitching.
There are a couple hundred in North America. So we pitch a couple every week until somebody says, you got an audition. And then I help them with the audition because they almost always ask same questions. And then when they get it, I help them construct the talk.
[00:06:00] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:06:01] Speaker B: Because the group will tell us how many minutes they get. Anywhere from 8 to 18. And we construct the talk. And then once it's done and in the can, before it comes on. Comes up on YouTube, we figure out a marketing plan, because when it goes up on YouTube that day, you want to pull the trigger on the marketing plan to get as many views as possible.
So that's. And then. Then the other half of my coaching is how. How to make money speaking.
[00:06:23] Speaker A: Right.
[00:06:23] Speaker B: The speak and grow wealthy method. Because, you know, great, you got a TEDx talk. The world's not going to be a path to your door and throw money at. You got to use that to get booked at conferences.
[00:06:34] Speaker A: Right.
[00:06:34] Speaker B: So that's the other half of the business.
[00:06:36] Speaker A: Okay. Super interesting. Okay. Do you work with TED Talk, or are you just kind of the liaison between the speaker and.
[00:06:44] Speaker B: No, the TED folks don't like me much.
[00:06:48] Speaker A: Why? You're a nice guy.
[00:06:49] Speaker B: I am.
However, they don't think anybody should have more than four talks.
[00:06:54] Speaker A: Interesting.
[00:06:55] Speaker B: After the fourth one, they didn't put up the fifth one or the sixth one or the seventh one or the eighth one.
It's like being a. A card counter at the blackjack table in Vegas. It's not illegal, but I've learned how to game the system and they. They really don't like that. They really don't. So what happened was the fifth one, didn't I. It never made YouTube. It never went anywhere. Because you own the content, but they own the video.
[00:07:19] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:07:20] Speaker B: Fortunately, I have some still. So I prove I was There.
But from that point forward, Quinn, I donated a videographer to each event.
That means everybody gets an extra camera angle and Frank gets a bootleg copy.
It can't go up on YouTube, but Vimeo is not public facing, so I can put it up on Vimeo and they just share the link. So yeah, that's my workaround.
[00:07:43] Speaker A: Gotcha. Okay, that, that sounds like a real salesman like tactic. I respect that.
[00:07:47] Speaker B: Yeah, they love it because you know that all the other speakers get that extra angle.
[00:07:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:07:52] Speaker B: Makes their video much better.
[00:07:54] Speaker A: No, Absolutely. Huh. Interesting. Okay, now I want to get into the coaching side of things.
When you're working with somebody, are they typically used to public speaking or is part of your coaching service like helping them build this confidence, feel comfortable being vulnerable, getting in front of people, kind of technique based, Anything along those lines or kind of. How does your coaching services work?
[00:08:21] Speaker B: Well, I meet them where they are.
[00:08:22] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:23] Speaker B: You know, I've got speakers who've been speaking for a while but haven't been paid or haven't been paid much.
[00:08:28] Speaker A: Right.
[00:08:29] Speaker B: Know they got an honorarium and as a friend of mine says, more honor than rarium.
So first job is to tell them, look, from this point forward, if anybody asks you to speak, you say $5,000 plus travel.
Well, how do I get $5,000 plus travel? I've never, I go, here's the secret. You asked for $5,000, then shut up and wait and see what they say.
But yeah, I take them from sometimes from scratch.
[00:08:57] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:57] Speaker B: Where they just have a desire to speak. Maybe they're Toastmasters, maybe they're distinguished Toastmaster. But they've never been, it's never been a commercial endeavor.
And you know, Toastmasters is great. It is a wonderful organization, inexpensive, great way to practice your technique. But they're not going to get your gigs.
It's, you know, to hold this show business, the business, that's what I teach. How do you find the conferences? And I give my clients 100, 100 leads a week.
[00:09:24] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:09:25] Speaker B: And how do you know who you know makes the call at the conference to book you? And we have a new tool called the digital speakers agent. It's, it's like a digital VA virtual assistant.
It goes out to the web and it looks for conferences that are looking for just the topic you speak on. For example, it goes out and looks for conferences looking for suicide prevention speaker, which is what I speak on.
Just me, not anybody else. And they're just looking. So that way you're sort of laser focused on conferences that could actually use You.
And then if you check. Yeah, I want to. I want to. I want to follow up that lead. Then it fills out the speaker proposal and submits it, which, by the way, is where everybody pretty much breaks down is. Is. If you're doing that manually, it's a lot of work. It's drudgery.
[00:10:17] Speaker A: Totally.
[00:10:18] Speaker B: Yeah. And I got 100 leads. 100. And you sort and filter and you can figure out, like, construction is a. An ideal client group for me. High rate of suicide. But I have to go in, check out the event, you know, fill out the forms or send an email.
And AI has made it a lot easier and faster. But this particular digital speakers agent is almost frictionless.
[00:10:44] Speaker A: And is. Is this proprietary software or is this something that you're. That somebody else owns?
[00:10:49] Speaker B: No, no. Well, yeah, yes and yes. It's proprietary and my best friend created it. And now patent pending.
That's how, that's how good it is. It creates a voice print. We take your audio, some video view, maybe a PDF, your book, transcripts of your, you know, your keynotes, Name them so that every answer that the speakers. The digital speakers agent writes or email it creates is in your voice.
[00:11:16] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:11:17] Speaker B: It's not. Dear sir or madam, hope this finds you well. That AI dash dash.
[00:11:22] Speaker A: Right?
[00:11:24] Speaker B: Yeah. So it's. It's. But yeah, it's, it's cutting edge. And it's 90.
Quinton. I'd say about 94 or 5% of my speaker coaching clients.
[00:11:33] Speaker A: Right.
[00:11:34] Speaker B: They rarely fill out an application or send an email to speak.
[00:11:39] Speaker A: Love that. That's great, man. It just really kind of takes out all the, all the meaningless tasks that a lot of people are associated. You know what I need? I need software to help me prospect people on this podcast because I'm telling you right now, all I do is I have a Google sheet where I just find people that I think are interesting and would have a good conversation with. And then I write up the.
I write up the message, cold email, cold call and try to get them on. So I got to find something to help me prospect.
[00:12:08] Speaker B: Well, I use podcastguest.com okay.
The reason I like those guys is you go on, you build a profile either as a podcast or a guest, and they send out an email twice a week.
[00:12:19] Speaker A: Wow. Okay.
[00:12:20] Speaker B: Top half the email is 10 people who are looking to guest.
Bottom half the email, 10 shows looking for guests.
And there's a simple one page application, you know, that I fill out to be a guest. You know, why would you be a good guest? Do you have a Podcast of your own you're willing to swap.
You know, I mean, I've got the answers in a word doc. So I just cut and paste, cut and paste, cut and paste. Submit.
[00:12:42] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:12:43] Speaker B: So that's, you know, that's how I. Yeah. Podcastguest.com and so, and then there's of course, there's a database there, so you could search the database for growth, mindset.
[00:12:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:12:56] Speaker B: Entrepreneurs, whatever you're looking for in the way of guests.
[00:12:59] Speaker A: Okay. All right. Look at that. Look at the little gold, little gold nugget out of the conversation already.
[00:13:03] Speaker B: There you go.
[00:13:04] Speaker A: Perfect. Man, I love that.
That's awesome. So going back to, you know, working with people in public speaking, I'm sure there's a lot of people who are super nervous to do their first TED Talk or their first event.
What are you doing to coach these people to kind of change their mindset? Do you just.
Is it a matter of preparation and practice? And I'll give you a little bit of story.
I was not very good in college, but one course that I was excellent at was, was public speaking.
I don't know what it was because I get just as nervous as anybody. I, you know, have self doubt. I'm, I'm nervous that people are going to judge me and, you know, look at me a certain way. But there's something in my brain that if I prepare well enough, I can turn it on. And I'm, you know, very, you know, outgoing. I'm gregarious. I, I use my hands a lot when I do public speaking. Not everybody has that. So I'm just kind of curious, you know, what tools are you equipping people with to be, you know, more themselves, more authentic when they're on stage?
[00:14:06] Speaker B: Gummies.
[00:14:09] Speaker A: What kind of gummies?
[00:14:11] Speaker B: Yeah, you know, you know.
[00:14:15] Speaker A: That takes.
[00:14:15] Speaker B: The edge off when.
[00:14:16] Speaker A: No, no, that would make me far more anxious. Frank, what are you talking about? That would be crazy.
[00:14:22] Speaker B: Now I've got stage fright and paranoia.
Yeah, no, we, we, we do three sessions a week, three group sessions in addition to. I coach an hour a week on Zoom individually with them. And then we have three group sessions and Wednesday, yesterday, one of our speakers has a podcast, is about to do his 500th episode.
So he came on and he, he did an hour on how do you establish podcast A And how, how do you be the best guest you can be?
So that's. Wednesdays, we teach them something.
Fridays is ask me anything, got a question about something, and then Sunday spotlight.
So if you want to practice your TED Talk in Front of humans. So it's kind of like a virtual Toastmasters and everybody weighs in.
Or you're competing in a Toastmasters competition because that's going on right now.
[00:15:09] Speaker A: Right.
[00:15:09] Speaker B: One of our students is going, she went, she made the local first place. Now she's going to the area competition. So you get a chance to practice it live.
Plus I'll have them send me a video, you know, review if they've done something. And I review the video and I say, look, you have got to stop pacing like a, like a tiger in a cage.
I want you to move, but I want you to move on purpose. Here's, here's the way it works. You step up, stop, deliver in the center, you go left, stop. Make a point. Right, Make a point. So you're, you're not just like this.
[00:15:47] Speaker A: Right.
[00:15:48] Speaker B: Because a lot of people tend to pace.
So stage presence, mic technique, you know, it's, I mean, for me, I mean, I did 2, 629 nights in a row in comedy clubs.
[00:16:01] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:16:01] Speaker B: So, you know, every now and then a photographer will say to me, I'm gonna be taking pictures during your speech. Is that going to bother you? Look, dude, I did over 2,000 nights in a comedy club. Unless you pull a pin on a grenade and roll it on stage, I'm hard to distract, right?
[00:16:17] Speaker A: Yeah.
Yeah. Stand up, stand up comedy seems like it's a whole nother world in of itself. I mean, it's one thing to be know on a TED Talk stage talking about something that you're, you're an expert in and maybe people aren't familiar with and so they, you know, they take your word as credibility and that sort of thing. But when you're a standup comedian, I mean, that is as vulnerable of a, of a position to be in as, as ever. So let's, let's transition to that because I know I kind of alluded to it at the beginning of this podcast that as I, I learned a little bit more about Frank King. I realize you have a pretty remarkable story to tell.
However, it, the way that you deliver it almost lives within a paradox. You're a stand up comedian who talks about suicide prevention. I love the concept. Where did this come from? Kind of. What. Would you maybe illuminate us on your backstory a bit?
[00:17:09] Speaker B: Yeah. And by the way, it's, it's the comedy is something that gets me booked over other speakers. Like a mental health clinician.
[00:17:17] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:17:17] Speaker B: And it's not jokes. It's just funny, personal anecdotes.
[00:17:20] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:17:22] Speaker B: The. And I open up.
It's kind of like the bandage on my head. When you come out on stage, there's something unusual about you. You need to address it right away.
[00:17:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:32] Speaker B: Because they're. They're thinking you want them to. You want to put it to bed. Yeah. And so that's why I opened up with. You're probably wondering about this, Bandit, because people be watching Ted, your podcast, going, what the hell did he do to himself?
So I come out and I say, you know, I. I know what you're thinking. Comedian suicide prevention. How does that work? Well, I think I'm a good choice. Couple of reasons. One is the world's first comedian was the court jester.
Court jester's job was to speak truth to power on behalf of the powerless. With humor. I believe I speak truth to the power of mental illness on behalf of those powerless in its grip. With humor. I believe with this humor, there's hope. Where there's laughter, there's life that nobody really dies. Laughing and depression. Suicide run in my family.
My grandmother died by suicide. My mother found her. My great aunt died by suicide. My mother and I found her. I was four years old. I screamed for days, and I came close enough to killing myself in 2010, I can tell you what the barrel of my gun tastes like.
Spoiler alert. I did not pull the trigger. That gets a nervous laugh.
And I go, no, you're supposed to laugh.
A friend of mine came up after a keynote last year, and he thought he'd be funny. He goes, hey, man, how come you didn't pull the trigger? I go, hey, man, could you try to sound slightly less disappointed?
That's where the humor is.
[00:18:47] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:18:47] Speaker B: And in my first TEDx talk, I said to the audience, I did a little research on Ted and suicide talks. And I figured, you know, when I went there, there'd be a couple, three, four dozen talks on suicide.
There were only three.
Three. And then it hit me. Well, duh. If you're really good at suicide, you're probably not going to be recording a TEDx talk.
Again, a nervous laugh as they settled into the fact, oh, this is going to be different.
[00:19:13] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:19:14] Speaker B: Yeah. My grandmother killed herself with a gas stove. My great aunt with a refrigerator. What is with my family and major appliances? I go by Home Depot. I tear up.
That's where the funny is.
[00:19:25] Speaker A: I don't know if I should be laughing or. Or what, but I love it. No, listen, I. I'm a big fan of humor, and in. In light of, you know, the curveballs that life Throws at us, right? I'll be honest. I'm not a tall person. I'm five foot one. This is who I am. And, yeah, I know, right? And. And the best way to combat this is through laughter. Right? I have a group of friends who don't let me live it down for one minute. And I wouldn't ask for anything less, because if you can't laugh at it, you're never going to get over it. And being vulnerable isn't something that you should just shun away and, you know, push down deep inside. Because at the end of it, it's only going to fester, it's only going to ruminate. You're not going to get better, you're not going to grow. As an individual, I've always leveraged my disadvantage as a reason to better myself in other areas. Right. I go to the gym every single day. I get in cold plunge, I eat clean. I try to, you know, embrace this growth mindset, whatever that means. I mean, obviously that's, you know, very, you know, broad topic, but neither can.
[00:20:26] Speaker B: You're five' one. I think. It's not working.
Sorry, man. It was right there. It was right there.
[00:20:35] Speaker A: Listen, man, I. Whatever. All right.
I love it. No, that's perfect, man. So I. I think this is really, really good.
Was it. Have you always just had like this. I'm just gonna embrace this. I'm gonna. I'm gonna meet this with humor, personality, or did you go through something and you're like, I got nothing left. Like, either this is funny or I'm gonna end it all?
[00:21:00] Speaker B: No, actually told my first joke in the fourth grade. Okay, kids laugh. Teacher was hysterical. She actually had to excuse herself to go to the teacher's lounge.
[00:21:09] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:10] Speaker B: That moment, nine years old, I decided, I'm gonna be a stand up comedian.
[00:21:14] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:21:15] Speaker B: 12Th grade. I'd done three years of drama, never got a speaking role in the school play.
I give Ms. Dyson, the drama teacher, credit for my comedy career because when the, the 12th grade talent show rolled around, I thought, you know what, if I do stand up, I can write, direct, produce, and star in my own show.
So I did stand up at the talent show. First person ever to do that at the talent show. And I won. Of course. I beat the accordion player and the folk dancers, but still, victory is victory. And that, that's. And people ask me, tell me about yourself. Well, I'm a comedian.
No, not what you do, who you are. Well, at the risk of being redundant, right, Every fiber of my being, it's just the way I process, I can teach you to write, stand up and perform it. I cannot teach you to process the incoming information the way my, my mille brain does. I believe that my comedic ability, imagination and creativity are just the flip side of my depression, thoughts of suicide.
Because I have two mental illnesses, Major depressive disorder, chronic suicidal ideation.
[00:22:16] Speaker A: Right.
[00:22:16] Speaker B: There's a reason when somebody says something that my brain turns it right around. Like, you know, you just told us you're five one, you're into a growth mindset. Dude, I don't think it's working.
That's the way my mind works. Sure. Yes. I mean you saw it was like lightning fast between I'm five one, growth mindset.
[00:22:36] Speaker A: I love it. That's hilarious. So you, you, I know you just mentioned you have two different diagnosis in terms of mental health and the latter one was.
What was the, what was the latter one?
[00:22:48] Speaker B: Chronic suicidal ideation.
[00:22:50] Speaker A: Right. How do you balance that with getting up on stage again, like being a stand up comedian? I've always been told I should be a stand up comedian.
Frank. I don't want anything to do with being a stand up comedian. That is the last thing I want to do with my life.
Obviously people say that, you know, speaking in public is know their number one fear over death, yada yada. And you just really said, I don't give a sh. I'm going all in. I'm gonna face it. How do you balance that?
[00:23:19] Speaker B: Well, because I, I do believe I was, that was what. My mom was funny, my sister's funny. I, I really did in fourth grade. Nine think. Okay, I'm in.
[00:23:28] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:23:28] Speaker B: My first, first open mic night was April 1st. April Fool's Day. Not an Accident, 1984.
And halfway through my five minute set, I heard a voice inside my head, you're home.
[00:23:41] Speaker A: Love that.
[00:23:42] Speaker B: Yeah. And so I decided at that moment I was going to make a living at it. Now 18 months later, I said to my girlfriend, now my wife of 38 years, I'm going on the road to be a comic. You want to come along for the ride? And I figured she'd go, hell no.
She goes, yeah.
So we gave up the apartment, gave up our jobs, hit the road. And 2,629 nights, non stop, you know, know and worked with a lot of people who are famous now. Seinfeld, Foxworthy, Adam Sandler, you know, Ron White, Ellen, Rosie, opened up for Andy Travis, The Beach Boys, 5th Edition, Mary Wells and I, Lou Rawls. You'll never find another look like.
So it was just it was an amazing, you know, run and.
Yeah. And then speaking, a friend of mine who runs Stage Time University, he says, you want to be a good speaker.
Three things. Stage time. Stage time. Stage time.
[00:24:33] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:34] Speaker B: I was at the same conference with him a year ago. He had no idea that I'd been on the road that long.
So. But I got up and spoke and I mentioned I've been on the road then 26, 29 nights in a row, he comes up, he's like, oh, oh, I am not worthy.
[00:24:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:52] Speaker B: Because that's, I mean, that's seven years and change or stage time.
[00:24:56] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:57] Speaker B: So, yeah.
[00:24:57] Speaker A: No, that's remarkable.
[00:24:59] Speaker B: It. Actually telling my story. Being vulnerable is the airport.
[00:25:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:25:03] Speaker B: Renee Brown said being vulnerable is a, is a superpower for speakers.
[00:25:07] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:25:07] Speaker B: Because if I get up as a man especially, and reveal all this about myself, these mental illnesses, near suicide, then, you know, it connects very quickly with the audience. And. And when I get at the end, I say, look, we're going to do general Q A.
However, maybe there's somebody in the audience who has a question or a comment story, don't want to share it in front of everybody. Hey, Frank, I'm crazy. Can you help me?
I'll hang out another 30, 45 minutes. Take them individually. And there's always a line. Sometimes two people, sometimes 10.
And I've heard some amazing and occasionally, you know, spine. Spine chilling. Is there.
Yeah. Hair raising stories. I was in Cincinnati on site construction project and there were half dozen guys lined up, which is unusual because guys generally don't, you know, share that kind of stuff. Last guy in line is an African American gentleman, I'm guessing mid-20s, carpenter, crying so hard he can't speak.
So I waited.
When he gathered himself, I said, what's up? He said, well, I haven't slept in two nights. I work on the fifth floor. I think about jumping off every day.
I said, why is that? He said, because I've lost three people in the last year to violence, including my daughter who died in my arms.
Now, how'd you like somebody to pull the pin on that grenade and drop in your lap?
[00:26:27] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:26:28] Speaker B: So the HR guy who hired me wasn't far away, so I waved him over. I said, look, you need to go and get the eap, employee assistance, you know, program binder, turn to mental health, Find the closest mental health facility to where we're standing right now and take this nice young man by the hand and get him there immediately because he's circling the drain.
[00:26:49] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:26:49] Speaker B: So a couple months later, I had Occasion to talk to the HR guy. He called me, and I'm terrified to ask, but I finally got up my nerve. I go, hey, man, whatever happened to that nice black carpenter, Frank? He was evaluated, medicated. He's back on the job.
So that's.
That's very therapeutic for me.
[00:27:09] Speaker A: Totally.
[00:27:10] Speaker B: I mean, I feel like George Bailey and It's a Wonderful Life, you know, George wanted to know, what if he'd never been born? What if he wasn't there? What would the world look like? Well, in this case, if I hadn't been there, tell my story and hear his. It's conceivable, you know, if I. If I kill myself, I would take him with me because I wasn't there when he needed to share the story.
So I realized, Quentin, I'm now, I can't kill myself now because of all the people I would take with me if I weren't there to speak and share a story. Hear a story.
[00:27:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
It sounds like you are driven by a true purpose. I love that, you know, and. And both from the suicide prevention side of things, but as well as comedy. You know what I mean? I think that you knew when you were young that this was innately in you and that this is the career path that you wanted to pursue. And then obviously, your family and yourself have a history and suicide and dealing with that. And so that obviously added to your purpose. I think that that's wonderful. When you talk about suicide prevention, are you just doing speeches or do you have kind of something that you work on outside of just TED talks?
[00:28:17] Speaker B: No, I just. I do keynotes, generally, or workshops, breakouts.
I'm just in Phoenix at a electrical contractors association.
[00:28:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:28:25] Speaker B: Construction has the highest rate of suicide of any industry in the US Last year, a thousand people died by accident in construction. 5,100 died by suicide.
[00:28:34] Speaker A: Why is that?
[00:28:36] Speaker B: Male heavy. 88 out of 10 suicides in the US these days are men, they call it. Part of the problem is toxic masculinity. We called it big boys don't cry when I was a kid.
Supply chain problems, seasonal work injuries treated with opioids. A lower educated workforce.
And tough guys, you know, they just. They're not kind of reach out for.
For help.
[00:29:00] Speaker A: Right.
[00:29:01] Speaker B: So that's. That's why. That's my number one ideal client group is construction.
[00:29:05] Speaker A: That's really fascinating. I would have never thought construction. I mean, you mentioned the fact that it's seasonal, so I can imagine that that puts a lot of stress on people. Right. Particularly in the winter months. And then I mean, look, if we want to take it from the. The lack of vitamin D and just being inside and it's cold, that also probably adds to a lot of depression.
And then. Yeah, I mean, I guess, now that you mention it, if you get hurt on the job and you're addicted to opioids, I think we can all say that we know somebody that's been in that scenario.
They use it for pain management, and next thing you know, they're addicted to it. And then you're in a hole, and then you've got family you got to take care of, and then the whole world kind of crashes on you. So I'm really fascinated that it would be construction. But at the same time, it does make sense.
[00:29:50] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:29:50] Speaker A: When you.
[00:29:50] Speaker B: Yeah. Because most people ask the same question you did. Why? Why construction? But, yeah, it's when you look at the. And when.
When I speak, about 85 of my speech is the same. What I teach them. The 15 that's different is dentists have different risk factors than construction, than veterinarians, than physicians.
By the way, a note on comedy. If you're thinking about doing stand up, somebody listening is thinking about doing stand up. Here's the deal with stand up. Stand up is like war.
[00:30:16] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:30:18] Speaker B: If you want to kill, you need to be willing to die.
[00:30:23] Speaker A: So how.
[00:30:24] Speaker B: We all have.
[00:30:25] Speaker A: So you obviously have to go out there and you have to do your material. I'm sure in the beginning, the early days, you didn't really have your voice. You didn't really have, like, what you have today in your arsenal.
[00:30:35] Speaker B: Right.
[00:30:35] Speaker A: That you could fall back on.
How did you. How did you learn to be authentic on the stage and not overthink it and deliver with, you know, precise timing and kind of, you know, understand what's going to hit, what's not going to hit? How did you go through that process?
[00:30:50] Speaker B: Well, 26, 29, right? Yeah. That's where the timing and the pacing and so forth comes in.
Being yourself, that took decades.
A guy came up to me, I was working cruise ships doing comedy, and a guy came up to me after the show, just he and I in the theater, and he goes, I got a qu. We had lunch together.
And he goes, I got a question for you. How can you be the same guy at lunch you are up there.
[00:31:18] Speaker A: Right.
[00:31:19] Speaker B: I said, it took me decades.
So you're not acting anymore. You're just being yourself. And one of the things that helped me with that was I got fired by a half dozen cruise lines.
I wasn't drunk. I wasn't doing drugs. I wasn't, you know, it was just cruise director, wrong place, wrong time. Generally a philosophical difference. You know, he's a Sagittarius. I'm sorry, I'm a Sagittarius. He's a dick.
But somebody came up to me afterwards again after the show and said, I got a question. I go far away. He goes, how do you get that comfortable up there?
[00:31:54] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:31:55] Speaker B: So I said, do you really want to know? He goes, yeah. And I looked around, make sure nobody else was listening. I said, because I don't give a.
Because when I stopped pushing hard to get booked back, I just became myself and I just had the fun and my show. I bet you got 25% better.
I was comfortable. I took chances. I do a lot of audience work which is, you know, can be dicey. You know, you never know what people are going to say, but can be golden if they give you the right answer.
[00:32:21] Speaker A: Totally.
So this is. This is good.
I have been in sales basically my whole life. And at the very beginning of my sales career, I was working as a personal trainer.
And the way that you get clients is you sell them on your program.
And I remember at the very beginning, I was terrible because I was just trying to sell them on a program. And my mentality was, I got to get this sale. I've got to get this sale. I've got to get this sale.
One day my manager came to me and he said, hey, listen, you're basically on strike three. If you can't get to X amount of sales by the end of the month, we're gonna have to let you go. Oh, and to. To kind of go back on what you just mentioned, I stopped giving a.
And I thought, you know what? Like, I don't care about the sale anymore. I'm just gonna try and connect with the person and prescribe what they need and, and give them, you know, a diagnosis of, hey, listen, if you work with me, this is where we can get you. Realistically, I stopped selling and I start prescribing and I became a lot more authentic. And fast forward three years later, I was the fitness manager and, you know, was running the gym. So I think that just not caring so much and just putting yourself in that mind state of just listen, like, just be yourself and stop overthinking. It really goes a long way.
[00:33:40] Speaker B: Yes. In sales, you know the expression abc always be closing. I think it should be always be connecting.
[00:33:46] Speaker A: Totally, totally, totally.
Oh, oh. Is that you, Frank?
[00:33:52] Speaker B: Yes, sir.
Last September, at 68 in the bodybuilding Contest.
[00:33:57] Speaker A: That was last September.
[00:34:00] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:34:00] Speaker A: You're shredded. Well done, sir. Bravo.
[00:34:03] Speaker B: Yeah, it's.
I always wanted to do that, but, you know, with performance enhancing substances, I wouldn't have a chance.
[00:34:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:34:14] Speaker B: However, there are several federations now that are. They call them True Natural. They polygraph you beforehand, urine test you after, so you can't be doing anything. They had a list this long of, you know, and so. And they have a master's, you know, 60 and over.
So I thought, okay, now's the time.
[00:34:31] Speaker A: That's awesome, man. Well, congratulations. That's really, really impressive. Have you always been in to your health and fitness or was this just a muco?
[00:34:39] Speaker B: My wife, when we were dating, introduced me to working out. I mean, I worked out a little as a teenager, as most guys do. Sure enough, flat benches to blow a shoulder.
Yeah. What a stupid exercise.
I tell people, look, don't flat bench. No, I don't give a. I don't care how much you can bench dumbbells. Yeah. Because you can, you can rotate your shoulders the way it's supposed to rotate.
So I got more into working out in the mid-90s when I had my first heart valve replacement.
Because when you have a heart valve replacement, I got a human valve from a donor, either a cadaver or an attorney wasn't using it. And you know it's going to wear out at some point because it's got miles on it. So, you know, you're going to have to have it done again. And my doc said, look, here's the deal, Frank. It's going to have to be done again at some point. And the better shape you're in when time comes, the better your outcomes.
[00:35:31] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:35:32] Speaker B: So I, I kicked it up a notch in the gym. I was in the gym doing, you know, I mean, back elliptical runner and you know, at the highest level. And, and so that's how I got into working out.
[00:35:43] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:35:44] Speaker B: And then every ship, cruise ship has a gym. There's always a line at the lido buffet. Never lie on the gym. So it's great in there every day somebody asked and then, then I 2012, had the valve changed out.
Eleven and a half hour operation. It's a good damn thing. I was in good shape because, I mean, that's, that's crazy.
And somebody said to me when they saw me in the gym every day. You trying to live forever? No, I'm just trying to survive that heart attack when it happens. And sure enough, in 2014, had a heart attack in the woods by myself with the dogs. I Had t mobile, I didn't have cell service, had to walk a half mile, drive two miles home. And my doctor said if you've been in bad shape, if you've been eating Cheetos, you know, sitting on the couch playing video games, you'd be dead. Yeah, but you know, what happens is physically, if you put your heart under load every day, Lipical runner, treadmill Runway, when you have an incident like that, the all the architecture around the heart vasodilates and tries to push blood to whatever part of the heart is under attack to keep you alive long enough to get to wherever it is somebody can, you know, do the work on you. So sure, yeah. So that's, that's it. And then I thought, you know, if I wait till I'm 60, I bet you most guys will have given up.
[00:37:02] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:37:02] Speaker B: Bodybuilding, sure enough.
Yeah. There's only a few of us.
I'll tell somebody I got second place. What I don't tell them is there was nobody in third.
[00:37:15] Speaker A: You're full of zingers, Frank, you know that? Well, one after the other, man.
[00:37:19] Speaker B: Think about, think about this as a trainer. Um, I, I say to myself and I say to other people, yeah, I got second and there was no third. But you know what, I finished ahead of everybody else who didn't show up.
[00:37:32] Speaker A: Absolutely, you did.
[00:37:33] Speaker B: Absolutely. So, and you know, it's, it's, it's part of my self care plan is working out every day and right now I'm bulking up.
[00:37:41] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:37:42] Speaker B: I'm doing 20 more calories than I think a man my age should be doing. 2 grand, 2200 calories a day. So I'm doing 20% more than that and lifting heavy to get, you know, for the next contest, next September.
[00:37:55] Speaker A: Ah, let's go. That's awesome.
So I've been working out my whole life since I was like 11 years old because I knew I wasn't going to be very tall. We don't have to get into that. You already know that.
[00:38:05] Speaker B: Yeah, that's right.
I've always been with mindset again.
[00:38:09] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. Well, we're working on it.
I've found and you know, in my early 20s it was very much aesthetic driven. But as I've gotten older, I'm about 35 now and now it is honestly for my mental health, it gives me confidence, it lowers my, my cortisol. I have a cold plunge in my backyard that I get into every day. Have you, have you noticed that yourself in terms of, you know, getting into fitness? Has that helped with Your mental health?
[00:38:39] Speaker B: Oh yeah. You know, I see the progression.
[00:38:42] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:43] Speaker B: I think everybody should have a hobby or an avocation that's nothing like their vocation.
[00:38:48] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:38:49] Speaker B: So you know, I speak for a living. I go to the gym and never utter a word to anybody.
I mean I could go work out a year and do the contest and never say a word. So it's very different. And two thing about the gym is it's consistent.
[00:39:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:39:03] Speaker B: 25 pound dumbbell always weighs 25 pounds. Now the, the elliptical runner in my gym may be a different brand than the one the hotel, but still an elliptical runner. So it's, there's a, there's a constancy there that no matter where you go, you know, the gyms are roughly the same. So it's, it's. And again, as you said, it's.
I believe I've got a five step self care plan. I believe you have one non negotiable. And my non negotiable is I work out every day. It may not be for a long time, may just be 10 minutes on the treadmill or you know, Apple plus, you know, 10 minute full body something.
That's my non negotiable.
[00:39:41] Speaker A: Love that. What else do you do? Do you take vitamin supplements? Do you do breathing exercises, meditation, anything like that?
[00:39:48] Speaker B: Meditate twice a day?
Yeah, it's called the catnapper. It's a MP3. It takes you, it takes you down, you know, and then brings you back up the other side.
[00:39:57] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:39:58] Speaker B: It's like the old, back when, back when computers were new and the tech would say to you, we'll try unplugging it, plug it back in.
That's kind of reset.
[00:40:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:40:07] Speaker B: And I, I've got a treadmill and I didn't know this was a thing.
I bought a weight vest.
[00:40:16] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:40:17] Speaker B: That I slowly worked up to £36.
[00:40:19] Speaker A: Good for you.
[00:40:21] Speaker B: Yes. And then I bought a weight belt and Now I'm at 93 pounds.
[00:40:26] Speaker A: What's the weight belt?
[00:40:28] Speaker B: It's, it's like, you know, like when you're diving, doing scuba diving, you wear a weight belt to keep you.
[00:40:33] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:40:34] Speaker B: Yes, like that. Only between the weight vest and the weight belt I'm at 93 pounds and I do 30 minutes at an 18 degree angle.
18 with the 93 pounds on to just up the intensity of the right of the workout.
[00:40:54] Speaker A: Interesting. Interesting. I, I used to have a weighted vest and I just, I stopped using it. But I think when I was using it I would literally just stand and do work at my desk. And have it on.
[00:41:04] Speaker B: So, yeah, well, and I take creatine because. Creatine, there's actually some double blind studies. It actually works.
And then a friend of mine got an advertisement, got a pitch from this, this outfit in Colorado. I don't know if you've ever seen this. An old guy's wearing jeans, he's got killer abs, bald, and I can't remember what the name of the program is. Been around a long time. He created it Cybernetics or Cyber Genics or something interesting.
And they wanted to pay $5,000, come to Colorado and learn about the program and the diet and the supplementation. And so he thought, well, let me see, let me, let me research the guy who created this on the web. Well, turns out the guy who created on the web put the supplements, three supplements he recommends in the information on the web.
It's, it's, let's see.
L.
Not Carnane.
[00:42:03] Speaker A: L. Theanine.
[00:42:05] Speaker B: No, it's the three supplements. What they do is they kick up the nitrous oxide in your body, which as you get older, you have less and less. Nitrous oxide. Yeah. L. Arginine. Take it at night.
[00:42:16] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:42:17] Speaker B: Yeah. And then the P. Starts with a pygenic. Pygenicol. PI.
Something I. Every time I order on Amazon, I have to go to Google and look it up and then put the word in the. But those three apparently kick up the nitrous oxide in your body. So those are the only three supplements I take.
[00:42:33] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:42:34] Speaker B: Plus creatine every morning.
[00:42:36] Speaker A: First good. Creatine is great. Do you take a multivitamin?
[00:42:40] Speaker B: Yeah, multivitamin. And I take Sami, which is good for your joints. Yep. And good for mild depression, but also good for your joints and your liver.
And I'm on cholesterol medication, so anything good for the liver is a good.
Yeah. And so it's. I take a variety of, you know, medications for my conditions, but all, you know, seem to be working out just fine.
[00:43:02] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:43:03] Speaker B: And right now I'm. I'm trying to do between 25, 2700 and 3000 calories a day.
[00:43:08] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:43:09] Speaker B: And Fage makes a great yogurt.
F A G E 5A.
And it's got. It's the highest protein I found in yogurt. It's like 18 grams of protein per serving.
And that plus blueberries and almond pieces and. And MCT oil.
[00:43:28] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:43:28] Speaker B: I can get up about three grand, maybe three, 200 calories a day to.
To feed the machine.
[00:43:34] Speaker A: Love that you check out ratio yogurt. I just found it, it's 25 grams of protein in it.
[00:43:40] Speaker B: Oh, hold on, let me make a note.
[00:43:44] Speaker A: I know it's R A T I O yogurt.
[00:43:49] Speaker B: Yeah. And I eat the occasional Bear Bell bars.
[00:43:52] Speaker A: Yeah, love that. Yeah, I've never had those before.
[00:43:56] Speaker B: Oh man.
20mg protein, couple hundred calories and, and no sugar. You know, very, very few of any net carbs because all, all, everything I eat is keto.
So I keep my carbs low so that, you know, hopefully I'm in the ketosis.
[00:44:17] Speaker A: I love that.
When going back to the mental health thing, if you, what do you think is the best way to treat mental health? Do you think being physically active is the best thing to do? Do you think it's medication? How do you feel about medication when it comes to mental health? Kind of like, what is your, what's your take on how to treat this? If anybody out there is listening, My.
[00:44:38] Speaker B: Takeaway in my keynotes, everyone, I think should have a self care plan. Even people that are neurotypical.
[00:44:44] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:44:44] Speaker B: Because I knew a lot of people who were depressed during COVID They didn't know they were depressed because they've never been depressed before.
[00:44:48] Speaker A: For sure.
[00:44:49] Speaker B: They would describe their symptoms. And I go, dude, I got bad news for you. You're depressed.
My, my self care plan is diet keto, diet, exercise, um, good night's sleep. I think people discount, you know, I, I can survive 13 hours a night. Oh, dear God.
And it's important, I've read several places more important, what time you go to bed same time every night rather than how many hours you sleep. So if you're gonna lose sleep, go to bed on time and get up early.
Did I try to get six and a half, seven hours?
Yes. I just saw an article said if you're depending on alarm clock, you may not be getting enough sleep. And always my eyes pop open between 12 and 1 8. We go to bed at 6, 6:30.
It's crazy, but my eyes pop open like 12:30, 1 o' clock and I'm ready to go.
Just my. Yeah, I believe you should obey your circadian rhythm.
[00:45:43] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:45:44] Speaker B: I fought it for years because what kind of comic goes to bed at 6:30?
[00:45:47] Speaker A: Yeah, really.
[00:45:50] Speaker B: In my writer, you know, my, my writer for my contract was speaking, says in there I need a microphone, you know, a screen, a PowerPoint projector, and a pot of coffee.
Because it's usually in the evening and if I don't have that coffee, I'm going to be face down in my baked potato before they, you know, they introduce me. So, so diet, exercise, good night, sleep, meditation, medication, and as I mentioned earlier, masturbation.
[00:46:18] Speaker A: Frank, I just did. I just did a podcast with a neuroscientist around porn addiction. So we'll have to, we'll have to go back and, and check that out because she, she was really interesting about it. I tried to debunk the, the 20 times. 20, 21 times a month thing and she wasn't having it, so I was fighting, I was fighting her about it. But she was, she stood. Stood tall on that one. But that's.
[00:46:45] Speaker B: Come on, man. Two best words in English language. Free porn.
Yeah. If you're looking to give somebody a Nobel Prize, whoever created pornhub.
[00:46:59] Speaker A: Come on, that's too funny.
Oh, my God. All right, we go back to the mental health thing before I lose it. Yeah, you. You mentioned something that it was really interesting and I think that Covet obviously exposed this pretty tremendously for a lot of people.
Not everyone knows that they're depressed and not everybody knows that they're. That they have mental health issues.
How would you recommend somebody kind of not necessarily self diagnosed, but start to, you know, find the red flags in their own life that, that they should be aware of and that they can start addressing sooner rather than later?
[00:47:33] Speaker B: Yes. I think, you know, if you find yourself hopeless.
[00:47:36] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:47:37] Speaker B: That's. That there's a good chance you're depressed.
[00:47:40] Speaker A: Yeah. What do you mean by what's hopeless? Because that's kind of a broad term.
[00:47:45] Speaker B: Yeah. That's what it feels like to me. The depression is hopeless. Like, why bother?
Although I got to tell you, I was out walking the dogs last year. I was 67 at the time. Walking the dogs. The thought of suicide crossed my mind. Not the act, but the topic.
[00:47:59] Speaker A: Right.
[00:47:59] Speaker B: And I thought, hold on, wait a minute, I'm 67.
What's my hurry? You know, I mean, how long am I going to be here anyway? Sure, if I was 37. Okay, we'll talk about it.
[00:48:12] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:48:12] Speaker B: But no, it's. I think you should a have a physical. Sometimes physical things present as mental health. There's a guy here in town I know who was terribly depressed and he had a physical. Turns out his body was not processing iron properly. They put him on a slow iron supplement. Boom. Depression gone. So get a physical, make sure it's not organic, and then simply get a mental health evaluation.
You know, if you're sad, is it just sadness? Is it garden variety depression? Is it the depressive state of bipolar? What is it exactly?
So you can, you know, then, you know, and I take a little bit of medication. I had. I didn't take it till I was 60.
My wife, I didn't have anything against it, but the sammy was, you know, I was. It was taking the edge off.
So my wife said, you're 60, for goodness sakes. Ask the doctor for some antidepressants. So I went in and see my doctor.
He's supposed to ask that question, have you been hopeless in the last two weeks? He never did. But he said, anything else? I go, yeah, I need some antidepressants. He goes, why is that? I said, I can tell you what the barrel of my gun tastes like, man. He could not write that prescription fast enough.
And so I took it.
It's bupropion is the generic name for it. Can't think what the.
It's one of those drugs where half the people who take it love it, the other half hate it with a passion.
[00:49:36] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:49:38] Speaker B: Anyway, I started taking it. My wife noticed at the two week mark. We didn't want to say anything, just wanted to see how I.
When I would notice the change.
At three weeks, I noticed the change. I had this thought which I hadn't had since I was a teenager. I like my life. I like my life. Not that I have a great life, I do, but I mean, I never had that. Unconscious, popped up. I like my life. My second thought was, why did I wait so long to take these freaking pills?
Because I felt like. Now I'm feeling like. Most people wake up feeling like this.
[00:50:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:50:13] Speaker B: Not depressed.
So, yeah. So anyway, that and I've been taking the same. My doctor offered to bump it up, double it. I go, no, no, it's just enough to take the edge off. I'm fine.
[00:50:24] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:50:24] Speaker B: If I have a really bad day, when in the morning, I can feel it coming.
[00:50:28] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:50:29] Speaker B: You know, coming like gravity's being turned up. I'll take an extra one just, you know, prophylactically to make sure I don't go down too far for you.
[00:50:37] Speaker A: For you. I know that this seems much more clinically driven, but is there any triggers that kind of spark the depression more than other things?
[00:50:47] Speaker B: Yeah. Yes, sir. A friend of mine who lived with atypical drug resistant bipolar until he took his own life at 60 something.
He said to me, frank, listen, I know you think it's just your chemistry, but it's not. There's a trigger, something you need to, next time you get depressed, look back about 24 hours and see if there's their common elements and sure enough, and one of them is disappointing my wife, I'll begin to spiral.
So now that I'm out, she didn't know I had all this going on until I did my first TEDx talk and came out of the mental health closet.
But now she knows. So if I do something and I think she's mad, I'll go, are you mad?
She'll go, no, I'm not mad.
I'm disappointed.
[00:51:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:51:39] Speaker B: So. But we make it, you know, it becomes a joke. It's. And she.
And I always let her know if I'm cycling down because I don't want her to think it's something she did or didn't do.
Let her know I'm cycling. It's nothing to do with her.
[00:51:50] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:51:51] Speaker B: So she didn't get blindsided.
So that's the benefit of coming out to anybody, you know, trust and love. Let them know what you're going through so they can be there for you and understand, you know, not you. It's not. They're not mad at you.
They're just cycling down.
[00:52:06] Speaker A: Yeah. I think there's real power in being vulnerable, particularly to the people that you love. And. And that's great that you recognize that that's something that is triggering to you. And what's. What's even better is the fact that you're. You have the relationship with your wife to. To be able to communicate with her. And she probably has. Your humor has probably revved off on her a bit, so she probably likes to play with it occasionally, but.
[00:52:30] Speaker B: So.
Oh, Quentin, she is one of the funniest people I know.
I'm telling you. I. I didn't realize that when I first started dating her, but I gave her a jacket, an L.L. bean jacket she has to this day.
[00:52:40] Speaker A: Uhhuh.
[00:52:41] Speaker B: And so I gave it to her. We've been dating a couple of months, and she's looking in the mirror. Oh, the jacket. And she goes, this is really nice. It's the only thing a boy ever gave me I didn't have to get treated for.
[00:52:55] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:52:57] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:53:00] Speaker A: That's hilarious.
[00:53:01] Speaker B: Yeah, she's very funny.
[00:53:02] Speaker A: I love that. That's great. Yeah, I.
Yeah. Having. Having a sense of humor in a partner is probably magnetic.
[00:53:09] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Yeah. She makes me laugh. I make her laugh.
[00:53:12] Speaker A: That's great.
That's great, man. Do you. Do you do anything in terms of, like, gratitude practices? Like, do you have a gratitude journal or anything like that? Because I feel like maybe that would be something that, you know, if somebody's in a Similar situation and has similar triggers would be helpful would be when.
[00:53:28] Speaker B: We, when we, we filed bankruptcy, that's why I was going to blow my brains out because I had a million dollar life insurance policy and I was going to, I was going to restore her financially.
So after the bankruptcy, we lost everything.
We began doing. Playing the grateful game every day and name three things you were grateful for and it couldn't be the same three as the day before.
The idea being rather than focusing on what you lost, focusing on what you still have.
[00:53:52] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:53:53] Speaker B: Because the great thing about bankruptcy, if there's a great thing, is that you all of a sudden realize not what you want, but what you need.
So it's not. You don't need a whole lot place to stay, you know, roof over your head, food.
We now have Medicare, thank God.
Because, you know, being an entrepreneur, getting insurance for a long time was really difficult.
[00:54:18] Speaker A: I know.
That's great, man. Yeah. I think I, I tend to fall back on just trying to recognize my blessings and that's what keeps me motivated. It doesn't just keep me sane. It keeps me excited about what, what I have going for myself and, you know, pushing forward and putting one foot in front of the other. So I'm a big believer in gratitude and gratitude practices. So I think that that's wonderful.
[00:54:44] Speaker B: Yeah. This morning I, we're talking about my head wound.
[00:54:48] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:54:48] Speaker B: And, and I said I really feel lucky because, you know, I could have knocked myself out, I could have broken my nose. There's a little blood thinners. I could have had subdural hematoma. She could have come home and found me. I'd bled out internally. I mean. Yeah, I mean, it was, it was awful, but it could have been far worse.
[00:55:08] Speaker A: Absolutely not. 100%. It's finding that silver lining, you know, and even in the tragedies and you know, the things that are difficult, so. But you've done a fantastic job of doing that. I've listened to a lot of your TED talks. You have a wild past. So anybody who's listening, I highly recommend to go check out some of the earlier TED talks that they allowed you to put up on YouTube because you have a really, really fascinating story. I've taken up almost an hour of your time. Frank, I really appreciate you being here. Is there anything that you want to end with?
[00:55:39] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:55:39] Speaker A: How can people find you?
I'd love to kind of promote some of the things that you're, you're working on.
[00:55:44] Speaker B: Yeah. If you're a speaker and you're, you're Having trouble filling out applications because it's a grind. I'll. Quentin, I'll give you the. I'll send you the link for the.
The new. The new digital speakers agent. And if you want to see my comedy type, Frank King and Dry bar comedy into YouTube Frank King dry Bar Comedy. You'll find my. My best and my last comedy club appearance. People ask me going to play comedy clubs. Not unless it's part of a plea bargain.
But what I like to leave with is the way a comedian would close out a podcast. You ready?
[00:56:16] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:56:18] Speaker B: If you enjoyed this podcast, we asked you to.
We asked you to subscribe.
See what. Subscribe. What are the three things?
If you enjoy this podcast, please rate, review, and subscribe.
[00:56:30] Speaker A: Boom.
[00:56:31] Speaker B: And tell your friends.
If you did not enjoy this podcast, we hope you have no friends.
[00:56:38] Speaker A: I'm gonna have to edit that one out. No, I'm just kidding. That was perfect. Frank, you're the man, brother. I appreciate you very much. You. Yeah, you're an inspiration, truly. And I mean that. I mean that genuinely. So you didn't have to do this, but you did anyway. And so you're also just a kind person. I know I was pestering you a little bit, but I appreciate you coming on, man. And there's anything I can do to return the favor, I'm more than happy to do so.
[00:56:59] Speaker B: And here's the thing. My goal is to save a life a day. And who's to say somebody who sees this, this won't make the difference, then, you know, they go, what?
Chronic suicidal ideation. That's a thing, right? They may have been having it all their lives and had no idea it was a thing.
[00:57:14] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:57:15] Speaker B: So.
[00:57:16] Speaker A: Love it. Awesome. Well, thanks again, Frank. I appreciate you, man. We'll have to do it again.
[00:57:21] Speaker B: My pleasure.
[00:57:22] Speaker A: Take care. See you.
